Will I Ever Come Out of This Hole?

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As I drove home today, I found myself asking God a question that has been sitting quietly in my heart for a while.

“Lord… am I ever going to come out of this hole?”

It’s a question I’ve never wanted to ask out loud because it almost feels like a lack of faith. But today, I realized something.

It isn’t a lack of faith.

It’s the cry of a tired heart.

I’m working. I’m doing my best. I’m showing up every day, trying to honor God with my life, my work, and my decisions. I don’t expect God to make me rich because I give my tithe. That’s never been my understanding of who He is.

But when I look at my bank account after payday and begin dividing every dollar between rent, utilities, my car, groceries, and everything else, I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever experience financial freedom.

Will I ever stop living paycheck to paycheck?

Will I ever know what it feels like to breathe without wondering which bill has to wait another week?

As I drove, another thought crossed my mind.

Every paycheck disappears so quickly that it can feel as though all my hard work vanished with it.

That’s frustrating.

And if I’m honest…

Sometimes I get frustrated with God.

Not because I believe He has abandoned me.

But because I don’t understand His timing.

Then, almost immediately, another voice speaks louder than my frustration.

“Maria… I am still GOD.”

Isn’t that how our relationship with God often works?

Our emotions ask questions.

His faithfulness answers them.

I may not understand why this season has lasted as long as it has.

I may not understand why every financial breakthrough seems to take longer than I hoped.

But I have learned something that money could never teach me.

God has never stopped providing.

Sometimes His provision has come through a paycheck.

Sometimes through unexpected opportunities.

Sometimes through the kindness of others.

And sometimes through the simple strength to make it through another day.

I’ve realized that what I’m truly longing for isn’t just more money.

I’m longing for peace.

The kind of peace that isn’t determined by my bank account.

The kind of peace that allows me to sleep at night, trusting that tomorrow is still safely held in God’s hands.

Maybe this season isn’t only about God teaching me how to manage money.

Maybe He’s teaching me that while paychecks come and go, promotions come and go, and financial seasons rise and fall…

He never changes.

One day, I believe I’ll look back at this chapter and see how every struggle was shaping me into someone who trusted God more deeply than she trusted her circumstances.

Until then…

I’ll keep working.

I’ll keep praying.

I’ll keep writing.

I’ll keep believing.

Not because life is easy.

But because God is still good.

And even when I don’t yet see the way out…

I know the One who is leading me through.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

— Psalm 73:26

— Maria Castaneda©️

Faith 2B Strong OnPurpose™ 🤍